Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Happy Anniversary!

Today has been a wonderful day.

One year ago today, a Monday night, I thought my world was over. My heart was 14 years old and too chock full of emotion to see any sort of reason or comfort. December 3rd, 2012, was a sad day.
But it's December 3rd, 2013, and I'm here. About three miles away from where I was. But miles away from the shoe box I was in emotionally. I'm happy, I'm content, and I'm without regret. I haven't been able to say that for a very long time, and it feels absolutely wonderful. This post will be crazy and everywhere because I just want everything out of me. Out and into the world where people can read it, nod, laugh, and realize one more lesson can always be learned. The first of many thousands, I think. What an easy life I have had if something so trivial was one of my greatest trials.

After the break up, you all know I struggled. And I was ashamed that something so universal as a breakup could shake me so thoroughly, so I decided that I needed a makeover. The person I'd become while in that quick, dramatic, serious relationship at 20 years old was not very stable, and I needed to find my foundation again. I had become self centered, bitter, unwilling to take blame, and way too casual in my relationship with everything that should have been central.

I decided that my will needed to be abandoned. It was clearly not my path of happiness if Heavenly Father wasn't allowing it. So I needed to find His will, and live it to the best of my ability. I needed to learn how to love myself and the situation I was in. I needed to shut up, listen, and humble myself deeper than this sassy freckled thing had ever been humbled before.

Being ripped away from something you had built your future on makes you scrambling for a foundation. The old foundation I had had was just that. Old. It wasn't strong enough to support the turmoil I was putting myself through. So I started from scratch. And I built myself a new one in a year.

I decided I needed to be single. I needed to be alone to learn to enjoy myself. To enjoy the present to the absolute fullest, and quit mourning after the past or worrying about the future. I figured if I tried my best to be my best, Heavenly Father would take care of it. And so just like that, I put my plans in a little basket and sent it off into the reeds. And instead of singing a beautiful song and following it like Moses' sister Sandra Bullock, I turned around and started working on the current Tracie. And so began the greatest year of my entire life.

I know, that's a statement. I've had a dizzyingly wonderful life. But this year, beat all, just like Anne Shirley. I threw fits all the time and was lazy, but I stopped and tried again and again every time. I remember celebrating three weeks without crying. I can't help but smile now. I was so fragile. I still am, but now I have a shoulder to lean into at least. Heavenly Father has refined the snot out of me. And Heaven knows I've got leagues and leagues of more refining ahead of me.

I have so many people to thank for nursing me through that dark time. For putting up with my whining and listening to me cry. My saints of a father and mother, Kathrin, Shenay, Laura, Erik, Ally, Alan, Lindsay, Talia, Morgan, DJ, Nathan, the drunk man in Salt Lake haha, Jessica, Jenna, Bishop Bangerter, Hillery, Dallin, Faeiza, Ashley, Johnny and Cash, Katie, Ken, Keaton, Duzz, Bear, Niccole, Kylie, Katelin, Rachel, Brittnee, and anyone else who held me while I struggled.
But the person I especially need to thank is the man who broke up with me. If he's reading this, know that I have so much respect for you. That must have taken more courage than I can imagine. I've been so selfish in my mourning and hadn't considered how hard I was on you. I was (and still am) young, too fast to act on my feelings, and just reckless with your feelings and mine. You are an amazing person. And I can honestly say that I'm so excited to get your wedding announcement someday. I'm mostly excited though to run into you in ten years, when you have your wife and three kids tugging at you, and I have my husband and kids watching, we'll high five the biggest high five in history because we'll look at each other, smile, and know how far we've both come. Know that the other is happy and that there is at least one person in the world who knew you once, and is cheering on your progression.

It's such a sweet Father who lets us try and figure out how to find happiness in this life, and to allow us to make mistakes and be foolish, only to allow us the astounding rewards that we earn every day. I'm so grateful for Him. For His love when I had none for myself and refused to see anyone else's for me. He made me see beyond my puny squinted life and see the huge spectrum of love in the universe. It was painful, but He truly made me grow in ways I never dreamed up. And here I am, one year later, and that much wiser, and I love it. Again, I know I'm still a complete idiot, and I'm sure He agrees (but in a nicer way, I'm sure), but we both know that I'm on my way. And that's enough for now.

I feel more prepared for the life He has in store for me. I know how to deal with failures and successes (knowing and doing are two different things, but I can see that now). I've become content with the person I am and have learned patience in some excruciating ways.

Today has been a wonderful day. It snowed, one of my friends got the ring he's been making payments on for his sweetheart, I ate free pizza, I danced, and I loved myself and my life. I can say that I've finally made it to the top of this peak. Out of the handful between Rohan and Gondor, I've made it to the top of one. Haha. There are many more ahead of me, and there are many more ahead of all of you. So let's all enjoy them while they're slowly chiseling us into the better people we're meant to become. I love you all and hope you know how thoroughly I enjoy your puzzle piece in my 1000 piece life.

Y'all are the coolest. Have a likewise day.

Mic drop.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Don't think twice, it's all right.

It's definitely a Bob Dylan day today.

I'm tired. I got about eight hours of sleep, but I'm just ready to drive up into my mountains, hike somewhere, lay down, listen to my chill playlist, and watch the earth bundle up for winter.
But instead, I think I'll try and type out my tired thoughts and be ready for the rest of the day.
I don't want to go to school anymore. It's so fun, I love learning, and I love this time of my life, but goodness gracious am I sick of it. Don't get me wrong, I am one of the luckiest souls on the earth because I can go to school. I can improve myself and the world around me. I have the time and resources for it. But sometimes I just want to not have to prove myself by points, papers, quizzes, and attendance every single day.
I figured out my graduation timeline, and I should be able to graduate in the Fall of 2014. With a Bachelor of Science in Exercise Science and a minor in Biology.

Sounds cool, right?

Well. I haven't the foggiest of what to do with that. There's definitely not a lot haha. Except I'll have my piece of paper that accounts for thousands of dollars, years of effort, and one Tracie. My brother has said that what you get your degree in doesn't really matter, but I'm getting nervous. If I can't find a career or lifestyle that fits within exercise science, I'll drive myself to some school that will take me for graduate work and maybe go further. But PLEASE let that not be the case. Because school is that crazy annoying huge spot on my glasses. I just can't think or plan past it.

I want to work somewhere that challenges me. That prompts me to be better. And that enables me to spend time and the money I earn living my life. I want to do so much. I want to become a canyoneer, hike 14,000 ft + mountains, explore the ocean, dance fantastic dances, explore and live in the mountains I love, go to concerts full of people so smashed (on life or alternate substances) all they do is smile and move to the music.

I'm really excited for life. I'm excited about how it's going right now. And I'm excited for what's after. I hope that I can always remember the way I feel now, and to not let silliness get in the way of my priorities. My family, exploring, and caring for those around me.

I think I'll go buy a muffin now on my way to my lab, and after that, I'll ride the bus home. Then I'll study for my tests next week with some hot chocolate and end the day at dance. Then tomorrow, I'll start over again. Keeping good tunes in my ears, good thoughts in my head, and good feelings to push myself to get the things done that I need to do to earn another good night's rest.

For the Shire!

Friday, November 1, 2013

Whatever Forever

This song is so pretty. Kathrin, you'll love it. Laura, you too. So listen. But don't watch the video, because I don't know what it is.

I love life.

That's all.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

just a little of this and that.

If you want to spend the next two minutes looking like this

Then you best be clicking on this link by a group named Belle and Sebastian:

And that is the introduction to this blog.

I really hope that gif moves as slowly as it is right now in the rough draft. You can really see each groove Carlton hits and jams to. It's really quite nice. 

My calculations show that it's now October of 2013 and what a treat that is. This semester up at Utah State University has been the 
Tell you what. I like school. I love roommates. I love friends. I love dance. I love Kneaders. I love men.
So yeah it's pretty all right these days.
I wake up in the morning. Wave to Lindsay Judd across the room in her bed. Brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack. And quickly follow that with some Advance White Baking Soda (the greatest toothpaste known). And then, the door opens to Cache Valley. Every day is pretty much like this.

Except I don't see Zooey Deschanel naked, thank the stars above. Grrrrrrrrossssss!!!!
And Sky View High School's marching band could definitely use some work, but hey. I'll take what I can get 49.7 miles from the nearest Target.

And sometimes it's a little bit less than that, but at the end of every day, I climb into my amazing bed I inherited from my late great uncle Chuck (his name is definitely written on the side), wave to that great woman Lindsay across the room, and fall asleep to the sounds of whatever Disney VHS we chose that night. It's incredibly wasteful, energy-wise, but hey, I work at Kneaders. I'm rich. I'll pay 20 utility bills with my pocket change.

(I just laughed so hard at how funnily false that was)

But anyways. I'm laying in this here river, just letting the water push me along. And sometimes, some rocks hit me from the bottom and I cry for a couple minutes and need to eat ice cream, but then some swell salmon comes along and nudges me out of my chocolatey coma induced bank back into the mainstream. And I can't wait to see what's just beyond that riverbend, Koko-um. Because it's coming up fast! I graduate in the summer time, I'll probably chill the rest of the summer in Logan living the remainder of my dreams and saving money. Then I'll probably take that money and spend it all on a great trip to Europe or Africa or Australia or whatever tickles my fancy. And then I'll come home, ready to call it a life and start a new chapter!

Here's to being single, young, and childless.

(p.s. IF YOU'RE MARRIED, OLD, AND WITH CHILDREN, DON'T YOU DARE COMPLAIN because I can't wait to be you. Well I can clearly wait. Because I am. But still. You're cool, too, guys.)

Sunday, July 14, 2013

"Awww, man!" - snapped Swiper, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

My very own sisters and mother confessed to never clicking on the music links I post, and it just killed me. Flat out, they may as well had just beaten me over the head with this.
(from the movie Moonrise Kingdom. Particularly fabulous one, if I can add. Shout out to Kat P for purchasing my own copy for me.)

But despite that kindness, she doesn't listen to my musical tidbits. But whatever.
Who needs family, right?
I'm persevering and
This is a lovely song by a wonderful group called the National. The lead singer's voice just melts my butter.
It's been awhile since I had a good blogging sesh, and since I'm a Mormon girl with limited amount of social encounters, I'm pretty sure it's required of me to update. I mean, my public needs me, right?
So Draper's been a downright fiesta. I have had some AMAZINGLY wonderful times, and it's only July. I have a whopping four remaining weeks to fill with even more. It was definitely different than what I expected. I was pretty certain I'd meet some gorgeous granola snowboarder with an established career and a desperate urge to take me to the nearest Temple, marry me, and pay for my school, but spoiler alert, I couldn't find him. Rats.
But instead, I got to to know myself even more. It's crazy how you can live with yourself so long, letting everyday life take over your thoughts instead of thinking about who you are, and who you want to be. And even though I didn't smash any marathon records or write any religious novels, I made some progress and I can say that I can be content being alone. Leaving Logan and my established social circles made me realize I'm not as Miss Independent as I thought, and I lean on my friends a TON. So shout out to those wonderful cats that support me, because living without them was a bit rough at first. But I got to the point where I didn't have a life-depending urge to be on social networks with people thinking about me and commenting on my junk at all times. And it rocks. I still sometimes think I'm friendless and the bag lady from the Labrynth, but then, I say, "Trace, you're tired, and hungry. So you relax, girl, and just wait until your brain takes off it's Thespian mantle." And guess what. It works. And I realize I have a million friends.
Or at least, like, five really good ones.
So anyways. I've just really gotten to enjoy the company of myself. I mean look at that face. And that hair. Stunning likeness. I am the bag lady. Well. I wish. Then I'd have so much stuff. And I'd roll around in it.
So anyways again. Draper's been awesome, especially because of the time I've had to spend with my fabulous family. I'm typing this with nails covered in FOUR different colored polishes, and even a bunch of jewels that Toria stuck on a few of them. Audrey just came down to ask if I could tuck her in, and she whisperedly showed me the two piles of clothes she laid out as options for her and Ellie's outfits tomorrow. Haha I love it. Families are Forever, everyone. And I couldn't be more grateful, because even though we fight and are horribly mean to each other, I NEVER have as much fun with anyone as I do with my four brothers and sisters, their spouses, children, and dogs. And who can even forget my parents. I can't even handle how obsessed I am with them. I'm grateful for a gospel that is so family centered. To learn more about how families have eternal natures, visit mormon.org. :)
It will be hard to leave Salt Lake to return to Logan, but I'm excited. Logan is my home away from home, and one of the most beautiful places on earth. I'm a proud Aggie and can't wait to keep trudging through my mess of an education haha.
All in all, it's a wonderful life, as George Bailey says.
Not my periodontist, the other George Bailey.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

A verbal diarrhea so intense and forceful as to equal any fire extinguisher or dam or playdoh toy pushed to its' emotional and physical limits

I've been thinking about this topic so very much lately, and as you know, thoughts in Tracie's brain don't sit there for too long before being splattered into the letters that form my very own blog.

This song is a MUST if you wish to read any further. Under penalty of having to suffer in the Army of the Undead that serves under Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You heard their sigh when finally released, you
DO NOT want any of that.
Snow Patrol - Open Your Eyes


It started probably the first time I heard "So this is love" in Cinderella or the first time I registered my Dad brushing his mustache out of the way so he could kiss my mom everyday as he came home from work. But I've slowly been spoon fed via airplane sounds the finest of pureed foods: not bananas, but the most cliched, sung about, written about topic in the world. Lurve. LOVE. Or Lima Oscar Victor Echo, for those of you in the armed forces.

So yeah, it's always been on my mind, but I think that it's a requirement as you hit your 20's or sit through a Young Women's lesson or watch a good episode of the Office that it takes over your brain. I've often wondered the amount of good my thoughts could have done had they been preoccupied with something other than who likes who and how to get someone. I probably could have solved every Encyclopedia Brown case ever, WITHOUT looking at the back of the book.

But seriously. Holy buckets, Charlie. I am hitting my full stride as a Mormon girl in Utah and am so infatuated with infatuation. I am tickled pink to see anyone fortunate enough to be in the process. It's such a wonderful experience. The beginning, the duration, and even the end. Being brave, clueless, trusting, and sacrificing. It's so fun. And ideally, all of the cycles you go through end in a final resting place in the Shire at Bag End, with adorable curly haired little girls and a wonderful Sam to close the door behind you.

And I know that it doesn't end there. That's it's this crazy battle that 50% of couples lose. But that in itself, proves how worth it it is. You earn every ounce of your joy that you collect. Shout out to my Ma and Pa, they work tirelessly, endlessly to keep it going. I see it, and appreciate it so very much. I know they aren't perfect, and there's nothing funnier than my mom yelling "lalala!" in the bathroom as my Dad tries to argue who gets a Christmas card and who doesn't, but they still make inappropriate comments and giggle. They still have date nights. They still care about surprising each other and doing the little things to make the other happy. It's so inspiring, and I love them for their example of selfless love for me.

It's everywhere. And it's so exciting. I'm excited for the cycles I'm about to go through and eventually, the final one that will make ME, the most indecisive person ever, crumple up all other options and make my choice.

I'm excited. :)

And yes, you can judge me and make fun of me and call me an 11 year old girl named Victoria with braces and false vibrato and high hopes for love, but I know one of those girls and she's gorgeous and I'm proud to be in her horse loving club, ok? H8rz gonna h8.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Comes and Goes

Today's Tracie in Charge! soundtrack:

It's been quite the exhilarating week. We're winding down to the last six days before the semester is over and I live outside of Logan for the first time in three years.
I'm ecstatic.
I love Logan. It's been the most wonderful home. I love the protection of such a gorgeous valley tucked away from the world. I love how EVERYTHING is within 15 minutes of anywhere. But I'm ready to go back to the big city life where I can swing my briefcase, talk on my bluetooth, and yell at cab drivers. Or I'll settle for Draper.

This week, as I said, has been exhilarating. Full of pulling myself out of ditches, figuratively and metaphorically, scraping the bottom of the pan for motivation, and wonderful friends and family. I'm so glad that it's over.

After this week, I'm off to a fresh start. I hope to accomplish a few things this summer! This is kind of a goal I'm ashamed of, but I really want to date a lot. I shouldn't be ashamed of it, but it's pretty similar to those situations where you really want some ice cream, but then one person tells you you can't have any, so you feel sheepish in asking for any from anyone for awhile. But just because one person couldn't give me my Bear Attack chocolate ice cream doesn't mean I can't have some. The independent, feminist Tracie... is trying. I even forced my number on a kid I met at a dance party. Poor thing. He probably went sterile just looking at me. (*guess that movie, I'm not just being gross*)

I've decided a few things. Losing that Bear Attack kinda shook me good, as those of you who had the great misfortune to read some of my emo posts from months ago know. But, these things I've decided.

I think I'm pretty. Because people tell me I look like her, and she's beautiful. Most of the time.

I think I'm witty. Because I make up jokes in line at Pretzelmaker for National Pretzel Day. And they're darn good ones. (Not at all, but I've found that deep within humor's cloaks, there's a pocket that holds the things that are so stupid and not funny, they're the funniest things to strut the earth.) (Perhaps not, maybe I just entertain myself way too thoroughly).

I think I'm nice. Because of reasons I don't want to talk about. For fear of inflating my head and forcing people to look at my good deeds. Also maybe the list isn't as long as I think and then I'll make my 7:00 appointment of self-loathing with the Grinch. Hopefully I'll cancel it again.

And let's be honest. What else could anyone want. Good grades? Who needs em. Money? Got loads of it. Maturity? I went through that program in 5th grade. So nothing's stopping me, clearly.

I've definitely found there are pros and cons for being single and in a relationship. But alas. I think I'm ready for a relationship again. As much as it's hard for me to admit, I really miss having someone. Sure, I'm fine by myself. I have a lot of fun and definitely utilize my time as an unattached player. But I really liked the way it made me. I loved having someone to make happy, to make me happy, to talk to, and plan with. I felt more selfless and definitely spent my time more wisely, and always tried to put my very best self forward. Single, I feel a bit like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, hanging around a sewer eating pizza til I absolutely have to get up and go save someone. Or go to class. Or go to work. And dang my Preparation for Celestial Marriage Prep class to heck, because all it did was pour gas on my fire. I'm so excited. But don't worry. I know I'm only 21. And have no prospects. And will definitely take the cautious route once I do manage to get a couple. :)

So let's all hope I survive the next week and live to force my number on another poor unprepared man. :)

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


I made a reference to the pre-existent Tracie a few posts ago, and I didn't quite get my fill of the idea.
So here's another self evaluation; I'm going to set goals for this summer and hopefully, within a few months, I'm a little bit closer to that little lady I'm intended to become.

I have the enormous blessing of being young, independent (not really, but for dignity's sake, just run with it), and full of big ideas. The greatest piece of advice I've ever received says that I must reach for things that bring me to heights of honor that I am "most capable of achieving". Pretty fortune cookie-esque, I know.

I am easily overwhelmed with options. I always get Twist in my Kong Cone so I don't have to miss out on the chocolate or vanilla. Sadly, life isn't as generous as Macey's, and I'm given the next sixty years to decide on flavors that I'm supposed to enjoy for eternity. A friend and I were discussing how despite this being the greatest age in our lives, it's the most critical time. What we do now determines the rest of our lives. I see this, and instantly, my feet sweat. My tummy drains and I feel like melting into the folds of my bed and never allowing any cleaner to lift me from my sheets. Not even a toothbrush with carpet cleaner, which can do pretty much anything, luckily for my white carpet. But it's how it is. So we're all playing the hot and cold game with Heavenly Father, tripping over things and reaching for different corners, waiting for a sharp rap on our hands or a shout of encouragement. Good thing it's a fun game, or I'd sit out.

I'm three years into college. And I still don't know where the world wants me. That'll give you a nice tummy full of anxiety ridden ulcers, each with individual scrunched foreheads. And once I figure out where I'll fit best, I need to get there. I'm not too worried about that part, though, because once I have a list written down in front of me, I take too much pleasure in scribbling out things to not finish it. So I just need to patient, and live life with open eyes, hearts, and ears, ready to hear, "Warmer! Trace, you're getting hotter! Sprint!"

You readers also need to patient as I slowly work through each piece of information that makes it into my brain, slowly stew about it for days, blog about it, wait for comments on it, and finally do it. Sorry, millions of viewers. I know it's frustrating to watch idiots open doors in horror movies, but it's gotta happen if we're to get our terror fancies tickled.

One day, I'll be 60 years old, have millions of gorgeous, brilliant children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, have a garden, teach piano lessons, spend all day outside, and the windows down when I'm inside, a book club, and date nights with my sweetheart.
I can't wait to have a piece of Heaven on Earth in my home with my family. And we'll fill it with screams about laundry, spitting in chocolate milk, overdue homework, and broken bones.
Til then, let's just listen to this song on repeat, yeah?

Random post. I like to blog, I guess.

Friday, April 5, 2013

whaddup oprah!

I come to you from the Taggart Student Center computer lab, from the shadows of the everlasting hills.
I really have 20 minutes to kill because I'm a goon and forgot my Genetics textbook so I have nothing to do before my Chemistry class. So I'm going to *falsetto voice, vibrato aplenty* 
Pronounced blaaaahhh-guh.

Been a decent while, I guess! Super stoked for the semester to end in THREE WEEKS! And as soon as that Genetics final is over at 9:30 am that Friday, I'm driving 105 miles per hour down the I-15 to get to my new residence in DRAPER!
Watch out, rich granolas. Imma graffiti West Side and Logan stuff all over your classy organic town. And bushwhack your mountains so thoroughly I will have ruined all other hikers for them.

Just try and stop me in your Sanuks.

This summer will be packed to the brim with Victoria, Brayden, Audrey, Ellie, Ashley, Johnny and Cash and Dusty. And maybe some of my sisters, too. I'm so excited.

Also, my dance concert's coming up in a week and a half. Exciting, I know. We're all just messes of dopamine here in Logan.

Also I can't stop listening to this song. It's beautiful. Watch for the H-E-double hockeysticks word at the beginning, though. Cuidado!

It's like a beautiful mix of Black Keys, Beatles, and a teeny bit of Pinback electronic goodness.


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Nuggets of kNowledge to Nibble oN

It's been a little over three months of singularity. Remember how it was kind of like three months of delivering a baby calf? The first two months were bloody, and the third month has been delivering the afterbirth/cleaning up/working out again to get fit to attract another stud to put another baby cow in my belly.
So here I am. And guess what. I'M OKAY.
I know, we're all enormously surprised and floored. But, even more enormously flooring is that
Crazy cool stuff. I feel like I just graduated from Hogwarts after the most intense seven years of my life, and I am so ready to contribute to my Wizarding community. All my Professors are proud and wrote me the finest letters of recommendation. 
So now, to etch it into the plates of my life, I'm typing it into my blog where it will live forever and ever.


Kiss at every single stop light you come to. Because you can.
Mistakes are the goal. They reveal your true intentions and give you the great opportunity to apologize and forgive.
Balance your life. Still retain your other friendships, it's healthy to not spend every second together.
It's important to like each other's friends.
Sacrifice for each other. It's the enzyme that speeds reactions up with less energy.
Serve them at every opportunity. Just another substrate that can fit in the active site for previously stated enzyme.
Leave Facebook out of it. Ew. Nuff said.
The sooner you know their struggles and cons, the better.

But my favorite giblets of goodness I've acquired are these:
1. Almost everyone is awesome and someone you could potentially spend your life with. 
So you can afford to be picky.

2. Someone thought you were beautiful without any makeup on. When you were sobbing and blowing your nose in their sweater. When you said things you didn't mean. When they saw you make stupid decisions and hate yourself afterward. When you made yourself look like an idiot. When you were mad at them. When you hadn't showered for days and were sweating like the Paul you are. But mostly, when they find out who you really are. 

And if someone thought you were beautiful, you are.
And someone else will, too.
So look forward to them, and in the meantime, you don't need anyone but good music, good friends, good family, good activities, and good thoughts. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Peace and blessins.

Couple good thoughts to have simmering...

 “Though I suffered then, as I look back now, I am grateful that there was not a quick solution to my problem. The fact that I was forced to turn to God for help almost daily over an extended period of years taught me truly how to pray and get answers to prayer and taught me in a very practical way to have faith in God. I came to know my Savior and my Heavenly Father in a way and to a degree that might not have happened otherwise or that might have taken me much longer to achieve. … I learned to trust in the Lord with all my heart. I learned to walk with Him day by day.” 
- Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Reinforced constantly during my own review of the years has been my knowledge that our prayers are heard and answered. We are familiar with the truth found in 2 Nephi in the Book of Mormon: “Men are, that they might have joy.”1 I testify that much of that joy comes as we recognize that we can communicate with our Heavenly Father through prayer and that those prayers will be heard and answered—perhaps not how and when we expected they would be answered, but they will be answered and by a Heavenly Father who knows and loves us perfectly and who desires our happiness. Hasn’t He promised us, “Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers”?
- President Monson "Consider the Blessings" Oct. 2012 General Conference

Friday, January 4, 2013

The pre-existent Tracie, trying to scott pilgrim vs. the world fight her way out of this haggard mortal Tracie

An appetizer for your ears. And I know how overplayed it is, but honestly, such a wonderful song. I'll run it into the ground tissue of my ear drums before I quit listening to it.

With that as the soundtrack for this post, I don't know how you could possibly stop reading here. Just like when I watched Ghost of Girlfriends Past by myself, and didn't turn it off, despite countless Young Women lessons on being able to turn off crap, because that's all that horrible movie was. Hot crap with chunks.

Anyways, ya'll aren't paying me to review movies graphically. You are, however, paying me a handsome sum for the musings of a 20-going-on-21 year old in Logan, Utah.

It's the Friday before the Spring Semester of 2013 starts! I'm so excited for this term. It will be quite difficult, but I think that I will work as hard as I expect myself to. I've realized that negative beat downs on myself with low expectations aren't very motivating, so hopefully this route works! I've been trying a lot harder recently to be more positive. Happiness is a decision! I've been reading the General Conference talks from this last fall, and it's been giving me a sound beat on my bottom for my Negative Nancy person I've been for, oh, six months?

*Next musical snack :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lr6OUM2RMI

But anyways. Trying to break out of these leg braces have been difficult and awkward, and I'm sure it's not over, because despite how easy Forrest Gump made it look, ain't nobody sprinting right out of those things. But I've been fortunate in receiving helpful advice from everyone, particularly one of my brothers! I had all this available space in my mind and heart and planner, and I was filling it with less than awesome things. He told me the best way to get past everything is to spend this new time and space with improving myself. With doing things I hadn't done but have always wanted to. And here is where my post transitions into every other person's blog format! Self improvement, goals, wish lists, but no baby/dog/outfit pictures. That's where it varies. Sorry, guysss.

*some more music stuff. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBlpfXLQLvU

I'm happy. Not always, but I'm working on it. I'm not focusing on the end product, but the process there. (See Pres Uchtdorf's talk, I don't know which one, basically any would suffice because he's just plain awesome.)

Sometimes I'll slip into self pity, but after a few minutes of being absorbed, that Tracie that I'm trying to become will laugh, pull me out of my covers, and push me outside. Because she's the coolest person ever, and I can't wait to meet her. She existed before I was born, and Heavenly Father had the faith in me that I could get to know her during my short lifetime. You guys will like her, I just know it. She's kind of intimidating, but totally down to earth, you'll love her. and just hilarious. lemme tell you... <fade off as I tell stories of pranks she pulled and jokes she told in the pre-existence, in the most un-sacrilegious way>