Sunday, April 28, 2013

Comes and Goes

Today's Tracie in Charge! soundtrack:

It's been quite the exhilarating week. We're winding down to the last six days before the semester is over and I live outside of Logan for the first time in three years.
I'm ecstatic.
I love Logan. It's been the most wonderful home. I love the protection of such a gorgeous valley tucked away from the world. I love how EVERYTHING is within 15 minutes of anywhere. But I'm ready to go back to the big city life where I can swing my briefcase, talk on my bluetooth, and yell at cab drivers. Or I'll settle for Draper.

This week, as I said, has been exhilarating. Full of pulling myself out of ditches, figuratively and metaphorically, scraping the bottom of the pan for motivation, and wonderful friends and family. I'm so glad that it's over.

After this week, I'm off to a fresh start. I hope to accomplish a few things this summer! This is kind of a goal I'm ashamed of, but I really want to date a lot. I shouldn't be ashamed of it, but it's pretty similar to those situations where you really want some ice cream, but then one person tells you you can't have any, so you feel sheepish in asking for any from anyone for awhile. But just because one person couldn't give me my Bear Attack chocolate ice cream doesn't mean I can't have some. The independent, feminist Tracie... is trying. I even forced my number on a kid I met at a dance party. Poor thing. He probably went sterile just looking at me. (*guess that movie, I'm not just being gross*)

I've decided a few things. Losing that Bear Attack kinda shook me good, as those of you who had the great misfortune to read some of my emo posts from months ago know. But, these things I've decided.

I think I'm pretty. Because people tell me I look like her, and she's beautiful. Most of the time.

I think I'm witty. Because I make up jokes in line at Pretzelmaker for National Pretzel Day. And they're darn good ones. (Not at all, but I've found that deep within humor's cloaks, there's a pocket that holds the things that are so stupid and not funny, they're the funniest things to strut the earth.) (Perhaps not, maybe I just entertain myself way too thoroughly).

I think I'm nice. Because of reasons I don't want to talk about. For fear of inflating my head and forcing people to look at my good deeds. Also maybe the list isn't as long as I think and then I'll make my 7:00 appointment of self-loathing with the Grinch. Hopefully I'll cancel it again.

And let's be honest. What else could anyone want. Good grades? Who needs em. Money? Got loads of it. Maturity? I went through that program in 5th grade. So nothing's stopping me, clearly.

I've definitely found there are pros and cons for being single and in a relationship. But alas. I think I'm ready for a relationship again. As much as it's hard for me to admit, I really miss having someone. Sure, I'm fine by myself. I have a lot of fun and definitely utilize my time as an unattached player. But I really liked the way it made me. I loved having someone to make happy, to make me happy, to talk to, and plan with. I felt more selfless and definitely spent my time more wisely, and always tried to put my very best self forward. Single, I feel a bit like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, hanging around a sewer eating pizza til I absolutely have to get up and go save someone. Or go to class. Or go to work. And dang my Preparation for Celestial Marriage Prep class to heck, because all it did was pour gas on my fire. I'm so excited. But don't worry. I know I'm only 21. And have no prospects. And will definitely take the cautious route once I do manage to get a couple. :)

So let's all hope I survive the next week and live to force my number on another poor unprepared man. :)


Lindsay Loo said...

I loved this. And you.

Kathrin Paul said...

Hahahahahaha. Good one. Favorite? "I went through that program in 5th grade."