Comes and Goes

Today's Tracie in Charge! soundtrack:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0LNhIaGAUw

It's been quite the exhilarating week. We're winding down to the last six days before the semester is over and I live outside of Logan for the first time in three years.
I'm ecstatic.
I love Logan. It's been the most wonderful home. I love the protection of such a gorgeous valley tucked away from the world. I love how EVERYTHING is within 15 minutes of anywhere. But I'm ready to go back to the big city life where I can swing my briefcase, talk on my bluetooth, and yell at cab drivers. Or I'll settle for Draper.

This week, as I said, has been exhilarating. Full of pulling myself out of ditches, figuratively and metaphorically, scraping the bottom of the pan for motivation, and wonderful friends and family. I'm so glad that it's over.

After this week, I'm off to a fresh start. I hope to accomplish a few things this summer! This is kind of a goal I'm ashamed of, but I really want to date a lot. I shouldn't be ashamed of it, but it's pretty similar to those situations where you really want some ice cream, but then one person tells you you can't have any, so you feel sheepish in asking for any from anyone for awhile. But just because one person couldn't give me my Bear Attack chocolate ice cream doesn't mean I can't have some. The independent, feminist Tracie... is trying. I even forced my number on a kid I met at a dance party. Poor thing. He probably went sterile just looking at me. (*guess that movie, I'm not just being gross*)

I've decided a few things. Losing that Bear Attack kinda shook me good, as those of you who had the great misfortune to read some of my emo posts from months ago know. But, these things I've decided.

I think I'm pretty. Because people tell me I look like her, and she's beautiful. Most of the time.

I think I'm witty. Because I make up jokes in line at Pretzelmaker for National Pretzel Day. And they're darn good ones. (Not at all, but I've found that deep within humor's cloaks, there's a pocket that holds the things that are so stupid and not funny, they're the funniest things to strut the earth.) (Perhaps not, maybe I just entertain myself way too thoroughly).

I think I'm nice. Because of reasons I don't want to talk about. For fear of inflating my head and forcing people to look at my good deeds. Also maybe the list isn't as long as I think and then I'll make my 7:00 appointment of self-loathing with the Grinch. Hopefully I'll cancel it again.

And let's be honest. What else could anyone want. Good grades? Who needs em. Money? Got loads of it. Maturity? I went through that program in 5th grade. So nothing's stopping me, clearly.

I've definitely found there are pros and cons for being single and in a relationship. But alas. I think I'm ready for a relationship again. As much as it's hard for me to admit, I really miss having someone. Sure, I'm fine by myself. I have a lot of fun and definitely utilize my time as an unattached player. But I really liked the way it made me. I loved having someone to make happy, to make me happy, to talk to, and plan with. I felt more selfless and definitely spent my time more wisely, and always tried to put my very best self forward. Single, I feel a bit like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, hanging around a sewer eating pizza til I absolutely have to get up and go save someone. Or go to class. Or go to work. And dang my Preparation for Celestial Marriage Prep class to heck, because all it did was pour gas on my fire. I'm so excited. But don't worry. I know I'm only 21. And have no prospects. And will definitely take the cautious route once I do manage to get a couple. :)

So let's all hope I survive the next week and live to force my number on another poor unprepared man. :)

Tracie

I made a reference to the pre-existent Tracie a few posts ago, and I didn't quite get my fill of the idea.
So here's another self evaluation; I'm going to set goals for this summer and hopefully, within a few months, I'm a little bit closer to that little lady I'm intended to become.

I have the enormous blessing of being young, independent (not really, but for dignity's sake, just run with it), and full of big ideas. The greatest piece of advice I've ever received says that I must reach for things that bring me to heights of honor that I am "most capable of achieving". Pretty fortune cookie-esque, I know.

I am easily overwhelmed with options. I always get Twist in my Kong Cone so I don't have to miss out on the chocolate or vanilla. Sadly, life isn't as generous as Macey's, and I'm given the next sixty years to decide on flavors that I'm supposed to enjoy for eternity. A friend and I were discussing how despite this being the greatest age in our lives, it's the most critical time. What we do now determines the rest of our lives. I see this, and instantly, my feet sweat. My tummy drains and I feel like melting into the folds of my bed and never allowing any cleaner to lift me from my sheets. Not even a toothbrush with carpet cleaner, which can do pretty much anything, luckily for my white carpet. But it's how it is. So we're all playing the hot and cold game with Heavenly Father, tripping over things and reaching for different corners, waiting for a sharp rap on our hands or a shout of encouragement. Good thing it's a fun game, or I'd sit out.

I'm three years into college. And I still don't know where the world wants me. That'll give you a nice tummy full of anxiety ridden ulcers, each with individual scrunched foreheads. And once I figure out where I'll fit best, I need to get there. I'm not too worried about that part, though, because once I have a list written down in front of me, I take too much pleasure in scribbling out things to not finish it. So I just need to patient, and live life with open eyes, hearts, and ears, ready to hear, "Warmer! Trace, you're getting hotter! Sprint!"

You readers also need to patient as I slowly work through each piece of information that makes it into my brain, slowly stew about it for days, blog about it, wait for comments on it, and finally do it. Sorry, millions of viewers. I know it's frustrating to watch idiots open doors in horror movies, but it's gotta happen if we're to get our terror fancies tickled.

One day, I'll be 60 years old, have millions of gorgeous, brilliant children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, have a garden, teach piano lessons, spend all day outside, and the windows down when I'm inside, a book club, and date nights with my sweetheart.
I can't wait to have a piece of Heaven on Earth in my home with my family. And we'll fill it with screams about laundry, spitting in chocolate milk, overdue homework, and broken bones.
Til then, let's just listen to this song on repeat, yeah?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9AFMVMl9qE

Random post. I like to blog, I guess.

whaddup oprah!

I come to you from the Taggart Student Center computer lab, from the shadows of the everlasting hills.

I really have 20 minutes to kill because I'm a goon and forgot my Genetics textbook so I have nothing to do before my Chemistry class. So I'm going to *falsetto voice, vibrato aplenty* 

BLOOOOOOOOOOG!
Pronounced blaaaahhh-guh.

Been a decent while, I guess! Super stoked for the semester to end in THREE WEEKS! And as soon as that Genetics final is over at 9:30 am that Friday, I'm driving 105 miles per hour down the I-15 to get to my new residence in DRAPER!
Watch out, rich granolas. Imma graffiti West Side and Logan stuff all over your classy organic town. And bushwhack your mountains so thoroughly I will have ruined all other hikers for them.

Just try and stop me in your Sanuks.

This summer will be packed to the brim with Victoria, Brayden, Audrey, Ellie, Ashley, Johnny and Cash and Dusty. And maybe some of my sisters, too. I'm so excited.

Also, my dance concert's coming up in a week and a half. Exciting, I know. We're all just messes of dopamine here in Logan.

Also I can't stop listening to this song. It's beautiful. Watch for the H-E-double hockeysticks word at the beginning, though. Cuidado!

It's like a beautiful mix of Black Keys, Beatles, and a teeny bit of Pinback electronic goodness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H570ifQfpDk