Reaching for Heaven is what I'm on earth to do...

Once, I got to go to Hawaii.

It was cool. Like ice cold cool.

But really, quite pleasantly warm.

I had the absolutely amazing opportunity to join 14 wonderful souls on a spring break trip to Oahu for six (turned into seven) days! I knew most of them, a group of men that live down the way from me who are some of my very dearest friends. The rest I got to know this last week and it was wonderful. They let me tag along when they scraped up some cheap tickets!

DISCLAIMER: this is a painfully thorough look back on this seven day trip, so by all means, I am not offended if you skip to the pictures and just listen to the music. Also I'll never really know whether you read it or not, will I? (to be read in a british accent, something very common on our trip, thanks to Aaron <pronounced A-A-ron> and his England mission heritage)

These songs were the soundtrack of our trip. I think that a good tune can set the mood for something as dry as a blog when I can't be there to tell you how amazing it was with such an intensity that I spit all over you. So there's that.

Bastille - Pompeii

OneRepublic - I Lived

Also, everything Jack Johnson. It was bliss.

Friday night, we headed to Boise, a 4.5 hour drive from Logan. Stu (the ringleader of our gang) had a wonderful family friend who baked us five pans of cinnamon rolls and let us sleep at their house to make the 8 am flight the next day. After giving us all of the cinnamon rolls we didn't eat to go, she took us to the airport, about ten minutes away, and we were off to Honolulu.

We landed Saturday at about one in the afternoon, Hawaii time. The flight was six hours long and I had severely underestimated it. I was bored out of my mind. Luckily, I was sitting between two interesting people and we were able to chat quite a bit to help the time pass. Chris even helped me eat a few cinnamon rolls. (He's an evangelist preacher/musician who just graduated in music industry or something and we compared music for a while, it was actually quite pleasant!) Eventually, we landed and my jacket came off!!!

The skies were cloudy, and the forecast wasn't very uplifting. But. We were in Hawaii, and I wasn't cold or inhaling smog, so every single care in my mind was gone and I was just soiling myself in ecstasy. We picked up the two massive vans that held our jolly group and promptly went to Costco, of course. After enjoying our polish dogs and pizza, we bought enough breakfast stuff to sustain us throughout the week. (Best idea ever, it saved us a ton of money and time!) We then made the 45 minute journey towards the North Shore of the island, the more rural section, where we stayed in Hau'ula. *fyi, I have no idea where apostrophes go in any of these Hawaiian things so just nod and be impressed with my clearly inadequate knowledge of island culture*

Ben and Benji, the cuties of the trip.

It was a weird kind of town home cluster of three or five beach homes, all for rent for tourists, managed by the professional rugby player who lived next door. It was so nice, we had three bedrooms, a kitchen, two bathrooms, and even a washer and dryer! Space was tight with 15 of us haha, but it was honestly so much fun. There were two girls to each of the three beds in one room, and the boys shared the two bedrooms, three to a bed. Hilarious. There were couches and blow up mattresses for the stragglers without beds. 

Touristy touch to our home - we ate it up

Le whole gang, pre-wave.
males: Stu, Ben, Aaron, Gavin, Benji, and Mikey (Missing Zack at this point)

post-wave

The females
Deters, Lindsey (or Lindlar) Ashley, Katie, moi, Keara, Hali, and Megan

It had started raining but that didn't stop us. We got into our swimsuits and set off looking for beaches. We stopped at the first one we saw to take pictures because we were all star struck with how GORGEOUS it all was! Then we all went to Waimea, which was pretty sketchy because of the storm, but of course Lindlar and I were idiots and swam anyways while everyone watched as we got thrashed by the waves. The ocean showed Linds who was boss and showed us what it could do with a swimsuit top and we all got a show before she could yank it back up - hilarious. Great ice breaker for the trip.

We went to a great little burger joint called Kahuku Grill in Laie, it was SO dang good. The burgers were huge, the fries delish. Not ready to call it a day, on the way home we passed a huge, super nice resort where all the rich kids stay called Turtle Bay, and we snuck in to the hot tubs haha. We almost got caught but it was seriously worth it, it felt so nice just to chill! We went home that night exhausted, something we'd be used to for the rest of the week!

Sunday started out early, thanks to the insane roosters EVERYWHERE. They were genuinely so loud, so alert, and so many. It was almost funny but not because it was like four in the morning. Not cool, guys. So we all got dressed in our finest and went on campus at BYU-H to find a ward at 8:30. That was awesome, there were the sweetest people there and it was their testimony meeting, a wonderful way to start the trip. After that, it was still pretty cloudy and almost rainy but we still put on our suits and went to Pipeline to swim.
Here is the classic moment in EVERY SINGLE trip of my 22 years of living that I think, "Yeah, I'm fine without sunscreen. I mean look at me. I'm practically brownskinned already."
And then the sun says, "hahahahahahahahahaha oh you."
and proceeds to just ravage my skin and cackle the whole time while infusing every pore with UV light. But hey. You live and you learn right? Maybe someday... 

Anyways. The sun came out after we played in the waves forever and we got to watch some sweet surfing. We then took a break from the beach to go to a restaurant called Cholo's Mexican that was pretty good, I got a delicious chicken spinach quesedilla and we were stuffed. Then, we went to the famed Matsumoto's Shaved Ice and that was absolutely delicious. I got the Strawberry and Coconut Cream with ice cream and "snow capped", which means sweetened condensed milk is poured on top. :) Then, we went back to Waimea to play and watch the sunset.

They buried Stu. He and his hat. Hilarious.

Monday started out with a trip to Hanauma Bay. This was definitely one of the highlights of the trip. We rented snorkeling gear for 12 bucks and had practically free reign to wander around the bay, swimming over and around the coral to see everything. The snorkel gear was claustrophobic at first, and I had to keep focusing on breathing slower because I would freak out haha, but I got it eventually and IT WAS AMAZING. It was pretty shallow in some places so we all got some good cuts and bruises from the coral but the fish were so chill, they literally were inches from my hands, face, and body as we all just swam together. It was crazy. They were beautiful, tropical fish, that no human should ever have the privilege to see, but WE GOT TO. Then, we saw a turtle and followed it around everywhere. It was the coolest haha! An old man also pointed out that my red swimsuit matched my red skin and asked me many questions about the quality and quantity of suncare I was using. Everyone was so sweet and caring, I felt very sheepish in my crisp red shell. 

P.S. I know I'm wearing the same romper, you'll see it again, too. I packed light. Don't judge. :)

We stayed snorkeling and sunbathing for a while until starvation forced us somewhere to eat. I ate way too much at Teddy's Bigger Burgers which was just delicious. Of course after eating that much, the only option was to go to Spitting Caves, which is a cliff over some caves that appear to spit out the waves after they come in. There's a spot that people jump off of into the ocean, and so we did it. Hahaha I have the biggest grin on my face thinking about it. About 65 feet high, into the ocean, and I did it. I was so proud and screamed the whole time. A few of us jumped a couple times and after a while, some people in the group next to us started yelling and pointing out towards the sea. LO AND BEHOLD, we saw some blowhole lines in the distance, and we watched as WHALES breached five times in one minute. It was absolutely one of the coolest things I've seen in my life. We were all in awe, it was so beautiful. Like I said, some things are too wonderful for humans to ever get to see in their lifetimes. I honestly don't know how we're so lucky. 

We then made our way over to a hike called Kokohead, which wasn't long, but the whole dang thing was steps. Not just normal steps, but wide ones that made every normal person lunge up the entire mountain. It was exhausting. I consider myself relatively well versed with hikes and physical activity, and I was struggling. Our entire group made it to the top, which is NOT something to be taken lightly, it seriously kinda sucked haha. Good thing the view from the top was absolutely amazing! We could see Hanauma Bay and Waikiki and everything in between. I was cold and headed down, while everyone else stayed to watched the sunset and we then went to a place to get some fish tacos at North Shore Fish Tacos. They were way good but also way overpriced. Thus ended Monday. We still had three. days. left!

Tuesday began with breakfast at the famous Hukilau Cafe where Keara and I split french toast and BANANA PANCAKES. It was so freaking good, we ate it on the sidewalk outside, we were all dying with how delicious it was! We then made our way to Pearl Harbor which was super cool. We got there a bit early to watch the USS Arizona memorial video, so we got to walk around and read some of the plaques for awhile. Eventually, we all loaded up on a boat to the memorial which is built over the Arizona in the harbor. It was very sombering and beautiful. I really enjoyed it and couldn't help but take my hat off while in the memorial.

The Memorial over the USS Arizona

The oil spots are from the Arizona, where she still leaks after 72 years.

We followed Pearl Harbor with a hike up to Manuwili Falls. This was a legitimately jungle hike through actual mud haha. We all had brown socks and shoes on by the time we made it to the falls, which was this gorgeous little deep pool where you could climb the sides of the mountain and jump in. Not to brag, but I was one of three people to jump from the tippy tippy top, which was about 65 feet high as well! I have no clue where the desire to jump off of things came from on this trip haha. I loved it, though. We all had dinner in a strip mall in Honolulu where I went to Aloha Salads. It was delicious and hit the spot after all the crap we'd been eating!

The beginning of Manuwili

It was a jungle. So cool.

SIDE STORY: So in high school, there was this gorgeous Samoan girl named Bekah that was great friends with all of my best friends. I knew she was adorable, crazy sweet, and absolutely hilarious, but we never really hung out or anything. She now lives in Laie with her wonderful mom, and I got in touch with her when we were planning the trip and we planned to meet up! We tried so hard all week to see each other, but couldn't until Wednesday morning at 3 am haha, when about five of us plus her all went up to Stairway to Heaven. It was SO GREAT to see her!!! You know those people that even if you haven't seen them or spent time with them in years, even when you weren't more than acquaintances before, you just KNOW that you'll always be there for each other? Haha that sounds so stupid. But seriously. I just have so much love for her and miss her even though we only hung out twice the whole week. She is an amazing person, one of the greatest that I know in this life. I'm so grateful that we're friends. :) 

So anyways. At 3 am, we set out to hike the great fabled Stairway. It was kind of tough getting there, I threw a fit when I thought we weren't going haha, but we got there and stumbled around in the darkness until we got to the staircase in the middle of the forest with handrails along the whole thing. 4,000 steps later, we were literally in the clouds, nothing but fog and mist around us at the abandoned radar tower. We were able to make it back down to the first platform to watch the sunrise and take a million pictures. It was so amazing, definitely a hard hike, but so very, very worth it. 

I got some pretty decent gashes, I slipped between two stairs haha.

"Up, up, up the stairs!" - Gollum

Seriously, how cute is she.

It's illegal, which is why we had to do it so early; guards get there as early as 6 am 

Around 8, our six membered group got home while the rest of the group went to the swap meet in Honolulu. We recuperated from the hike and went to hang out at a beach called Castles where Bekah had let us borrow her surfboard to try out surfing. Her board is one for people who are really good, it was only like six feet long, where the one I had gotten a big head about how good I was on was about ten feet long haha. Turns out, it's a LOT harder on short boards. I tried for a very long time, but eventually was haggardly washed ashore like Edmund Dantes. It was an absolute blast haha! I also got to see a couple huge sea turtles while trying to catch some good waves, I'd look over and they'd just be derpin around. So cool.

After awhile, we met up with the rest of our group at Pipeline maybe? Anyways, we hung out at beaches and just cruised. 

We all went home to get ready for the POLYNESIAN CULTURAL CENTER! Bekah and her mom seriously hooked us up, saving us about 500 dollars. 12 of us went to the Samoan luau and then the night show. Bekah works there, so it was great to see her again, and her sweet mom met us there to have dinner with us. She was absolutely delightful, and I do not use the word lightly. So hilarious and adorable. I want her in my pocket always to just lift me up whenever I need it. The dinner was delicious and the display amazing. The women were so beautiful and the men just disgustingly gorgeous. Auntie Fia (Bekah's mom) leaned over while they were doing their clap dance and told me all of them but the tattooed one was single and winked. :) The show was beautiful and we were all exhausted when it was time to go home. We stopped to look at the Temple that night and decided that those of us not going skydiving the next morning would go try to do baptisms.

I just loved this tree behind the Temple. Gorgeous.

Thursday began with skydiving for about half of the group with nothing but money on their hands, while my half, the more righteous half, went to the Temple. :) Haha we were all jealous of each other because both activities were wonderful. We were able to do baptisms and Aaron performed while Ben was a witness. It was crazy cool, and the Temple workers so sweet and hugged each of us. We had a wonderful time. Then we snuck in another visit to the Hukilau Cafe because we needed more banana pancakes. :)

We went back to Castles beach to play in the waves and catch crabs* while we waited for the skydiving gang to get back, and then we went and met up at Matsumoto's again. (*incorrect use of an asterisk but whatever. So there were these little white crabs that everyone had gone hunting for the night before after the PCC, but I had fallen asleep in the van and missed it haha, so Ben showed me how to find them in the day, and turns out THEY'RE EVERYWHERE! Like little white spiders, once I saw one, they were seriously all over the place. I held one. It might have died. We gave it a proper burial out to sea or maybe it was just playing dead and we encouraged it to swim. Anyways.) Waimea was visited again (it was our favorite) and we swam our little hearts out, getting yelled at my lifeguards for the third time for being in currents and going too far. Glad they got our backs. :) We went over to Haleiwa river and bay to rent paddleboards and paddled up the river to see many many sea turtles, and back down into the bay to watch the sunset. It was a perfect last night on the North Shore. :)

Castles Beach! Photo cred: Megan

Baby crab!! Photo cred: Megan

Bekah met up with us again that night after we had dinner at Seven Brothers (an extension of Kanuku Grill, I got the Shem burger: smothered in guacamole, bacon, and cheese. Soooooo goood. And those fries. Ugh. ), and we had a fire just off of Hukilau Beach. It was so wonderful. And the girls may or may not have gone skinny dipping. But I don't remember, so maybe not, mom and dad. But if we had, it was probably super safe and guarded and fun and worth it and I'm not endowed so it's fine, right? All hypothetical, of course. :)

Photo Credit to Bekah

Exhausted, we packed and got ready to be out the door at 5:30 am to catch our flight in Honolulu.

But wait. At 9, when the plane was supposed to leave, it was broken somehow. Something with the left engine or it wouldn't turn or something or other. So off we went. A few hours (and 16 bucks of airport food vouchers) later, we got back on.

But wait. At 2, it did the exact same thing. So we got off the plane and they finally announced that the next flight was scheduled for the next day, Saturday, at 8 am. They then handed us hotel vouchers to the beachside FIVE STAR HILTON HAWAII VILLAGE HOTEL and we blissfully left the horrible place called the airport. 

This hotel was gorgeous, literally built a few hundred yards from the shoreline. We walked around the shops, listened to the live music, and finally settled into the fourth floor outdoor hot tub overlooking the sunset. Ben and Benji then caught up with us and announced that the hotel had run out of rooms, so in trying to accommodate them, they received the PRESIDENTIAL SUITE. Since it was Friday night, there was going to be a firework show on the beach, so we decided to order pizza to said presidential suite and just live the life of Barack.

Sunset from the beach at the Hotel, the building on the right corner is where the Suite was, the fireworks were directly next to us! Photo cred to Megan!

The hot tub, looking towards the ocean

Crappy pictures of not crappy housing (we looked into it, it was like 1,500 bucks a night)

it. was. ridiculous.

literally. truly. thoroughly.

ridiculous.

This room was huge and beautiful. With three different balconies to watch the fireworks from, which happened to be pretty much right next to us. It was so unreal. We loved every single second. It had turned into the absolute greatest case scenario. We had received an extra day in paradise for free. We had giant beds, (we still had to share but they were huge and divinely comfy), air conditioning, and best of all, CLEAN and DRY towels. It was sublime, to say the absolute least.

The next day, we were off by 8 am. Zero problems from the plane and munching on another 16 dollars worth of airport food for free. :)

Needless to say, we were spoiled beyond belief. And I absolutely loved every single second. Even the stressful ones. :)

So there are so many other pictures taken by others in our group I want to have documented, too, so until the rest of the gang gets theirs up, I'm going to just put up some of Lindsey's. She had a whole slew of them so I'm just giving her the photo cred up front and posting all of them for everyone to admire her talent and diligence in capturing moments!

Hanauma Bay

We were so close to the sea turtle!

Sorry for the cleav, but sometimes, it's just inevitable unless I put putty down there.

Me and Lindlar. She's so cool.

The view from one of the Hilton's towers at sunset, the building with the rainbow is the one where the Presidential Suite was

The nighttime view from the Hilton Presidential Suite, that's the beach to the right, the fireworks were directly to our right

The top of Kokohead looking down the dreaded stairs

But the view atop Kokohead was very worth it, that's Waikiki in the distance

Linds doing a backflip into the Manawili Falls, the high jump we jumped off is higher than this, to the right

Manawili Falls and some gals we didn't know, just showin off their bods

The whole gang at Manawili 

Paddleboarding was amazing

Paddleboard sittin outside of the Bay.

This is Hali jumping off the Spitting Caves, she's in blue falling. I just thought it was a sweet picture for perspective. :)

Me leaping into spitting caves

The gang minus Bekah at the top cloudy platform of Stairway to Heaven (observe thick fog)

Happy Anniversary!

Today has been a wonderful day.

One year ago today, a Monday night, I thought my world was over. My heart was 14 years old and too chock full of emotion to see any sort of reason or comfort. December 3rd, 2012, was a sad day.
But it's December 3rd, 2013, and I'm here. About three miles away from where I was. But miles away from the shoe box I was in emotionally. I'm happy, I'm content, and I'm without regret. I haven't been able to say that for a very long time, and it feels absolutely wonderful. This post will be crazy and everywhere because I just want everything out of me. Out and into the world where people can read it, nod, laugh, and realize one more lesson can always be learned. The first of many thousands, I think. What an easy life I have had if something so trivial was one of my greatest trials.

After the break up, you all know I struggled. And I was ashamed that something so universal as a breakup could shake me so thoroughly, so I decided that I needed a makeover. The person I'd become while in that quick, dramatic, serious relationship at 20 years old was not very stable, and I needed to find my foundation again. I had become self centered, bitter, unwilling to take blame, and way too casual in my relationship with everything that should have been central.

I decided that my will needed to be abandoned. It was clearly not my path of happiness if Heavenly Father wasn't allowing it. So I needed to find His will, and live it to the best of my ability. I needed to learn how to love myself and the situation I was in. I needed to shut up, listen, and humble myself deeper than this sassy freckled thing had ever been humbled before.

Being ripped away from something you had built your future on makes you scrambling for a foundation. The old foundation I had had was just that. Old. It wasn't strong enough to support the turmoil I was putting myself through. So I started from scratch. And I built myself a new one in a year.

I decided I needed to be single. I needed to be alone to learn to enjoy myself. To enjoy the present to the absolute fullest, and quit mourning after the past or worrying about the future. I figured if I tried my best to be my best, Heavenly Father would take care of it. And so just like that, I put my plans in a little basket and sent it off into the reeds. And instead of singing a beautiful song and following it like Moses' sister Sandra Bullock, I turned around and started working on the current Tracie. And so began the greatest year of my entire life.

I know, that's a statement. I've had a dizzyingly wonderful life. But this year, beat all, just like Anne Shirley. I threw fits all the time and was lazy, but I stopped and tried again and again every time. I remember celebrating three weeks without crying. I can't help but smile now. I was so fragile. I still am, but now I have a shoulder to lean into at least. Heavenly Father has refined the snot out of me. And Heaven knows I've got leagues and leagues of more refining ahead of me.

I have so many people to thank for nursing me through that dark time. For putting up with my whining and listening to me cry. My saints of a father and mother, Kathrin, Shenay, Laura, Erik, Ally, Alan, Lindsay, Talia, Morgan, DJ, Nathan, the drunk man in Salt Lake haha, Jessica, Jenna, Bishop Bangerter, Hillery, Dallin, Faeiza, Ashley, Johnny and Cash, Katie, Ken, Keaton, Duzz, Bear, Niccole, Kylie, Katelin, Rachel, Brittnee, and anyone else who held me while I struggled.
But the person I especially need to thank is the man who broke up with me. If he's reading this, know that I have so much respect for you. That must have taken more courage than I can imagine. I've been so selfish in my mourning and hadn't considered how hard I was on you. I was (and still am) young, too fast to act on my feelings, and just reckless with your feelings and mine. You are an amazing person. And I can honestly say that I'm so excited to get your wedding announcement someday. I'm mostly excited though to run into you in ten years, when you have your wife and three kids tugging at you, and I have my husband and kids watching, we'll high five the biggest high five in history because we'll look at each other, smile, and know how far we've both come. Know that the other is happy and that there is at least one person in the world who knew you once, and is cheering on your progression.

It's such a sweet Father who lets us try and figure out how to find happiness in this life, and to allow us to make mistakes and be foolish, only to allow us the astounding rewards that we earn every day. I'm so grateful for Him. For His love when I had none for myself and refused to see anyone else's for me. He made me see beyond my puny squinted life and see the huge spectrum of love in the universe. It was painful, but He truly made me grow in ways I never dreamed up. And here I am, one year later, and that much wiser, and I love it. Again, I know I'm still a complete idiot, and I'm sure He agrees (but in a nicer way, I'm sure), but we both know that I'm on my way. And that's enough for now.

I feel more prepared for the life He has in store for me. I know how to deal with failures and successes (knowing and doing are two different things, but I can see that now). I've become content with the person I am and have learned patience in some excruciating ways.

Today has been a wonderful day. It snowed, one of my friends got the ring he's been making payments on for his sweetheart, I ate free pizza, I danced, and I loved myself and my life. I can say that I've finally made it to the top of this peak. Out of the handful between Rohan and Gondor, I've made it to the top of one. Haha. There are many more ahead of me, and there are many more ahead of all of you. So let's all enjoy them while they're slowly chiseling us into the better people we're meant to become. I love you all and hope you know how thoroughly I enjoy your puzzle piece in my 1000 piece life.

Y'all are the coolest. Have a likewise day.

Mic drop.

Don't think twice, it's all right.

It's definitely a Bob Dylan day today.

I'm tired. I got about eight hours of sleep, but I'm just ready to drive up into my mountains, hike somewhere, lay down, listen to my chill playlist, and watch the earth bundle up for winter.
But instead, I think I'll try and type out my tired thoughts and be ready for the rest of the day.
I don't want to go to school anymore. It's so fun, I love learning, and I love this time of my life, but goodness gracious am I sick of it. Don't get me wrong, I am one of the luckiest souls on the earth because I can go to school. I can improve myself and the world around me. I have the time and resources for it. But sometimes I just want to not have to prove myself by points, papers, quizzes, and attendance every single day.
I figured out my graduation timeline, and I should be able to graduate in the Fall of 2014. With a Bachelor of Science in Exercise Science and a minor in Biology.

Sounds cool, right?

Well. I haven't the foggiest of what to do with that. There's definitely not a lot haha. Except I'll have my piece of paper that accounts for thousands of dollars, years of effort, and one Tracie. My brother has said that what you get your degree in doesn't really matter, but I'm getting nervous. If I can't find a career or lifestyle that fits within exercise science, I'll drive myself to some school that will take me for graduate work and maybe go further. But PLEASE let that not be the case. Because school is that crazy annoying huge spot on my glasses. I just can't think or plan past it.

I want to work somewhere that challenges me. That prompts me to be better. And that enables me to spend time and the money I earn living my life. I want to do so much. I want to become a canyoneer, hike 14,000 ft + mountains, explore the ocean, dance fantastic dances, explore and live in the mountains I love, go to concerts full of people so smashed (on life or alternate substances) all they do is smile and move to the music.

I'm really excited for life. I'm excited about how it's going right now. And I'm excited for what's after. I hope that I can always remember the way I feel now, and to not let silliness get in the way of my priorities. My family, exploring, and caring for those around me.

I think I'll go buy a muffin now on my way to my lab, and after that, I'll ride the bus home. Then I'll study for my tests next week with some hot chocolate and end the day at dance. Then tomorrow, I'll start over again. Keeping good tunes in my ears, good thoughts in my head, and good feelings to push myself to get the things done that I need to do to earn another good night's rest.

For the Shire!

Whatever Forever

This song is so pretty. Kathrin, you'll love it. Laura, you too. So listen. But don't watch the video, because I don't know what it is.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7y4AY-opkU

I love life.

That's all.

just a little of this and that.

If you want to spend the next two minutes looking like this

Then you best be clicking on this link by a group named Belle and Sebastian:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBd4pcW6t2M

And that is the introduction to this blog.

I really hope that gif moves as slowly as it is right now in the rough draft. You can really see each groove Carlton hits and jams to. It's really quite nice. 

My calculations show that it's now October of 2013 and what a treat that is. This semester up at Utah State University has been the 

GREATEST.

SEMESTER.

YET.

Tell you what. I like school. I love roommates. I love friends. I love dance. I love Kneaders. I love men.

So yeah it's pretty all right these days.

I wake up in the morning. Wave to Lindsay Judd across the room in her bed. Brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack. And quickly follow that with some Advance White Baking Soda (the greatest toothpaste known). And then, the door opens to Cache Valley. Every day is pretty much like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tJoIaXZ0rw

Except I don't see Zooey Deschanel naked, thank the stars above. Grrrrrrrrossssss!!!!

And Sky View High School's marching band could definitely use some work, but hey. I'll take what I can get 49.7 miles from the nearest Target.

And sometimes it's a little bit less than that, but at the end of every day, I climb into my amazing bed I inherited from my late great uncle Chuck (his name is definitely written on the side), wave to that great woman Lindsay across the room, and fall asleep to the sounds of whatever Disney VHS we chose that night. It's incredibly wasteful, energy-wise, but hey, I work at Kneaders. I'm rich. I'll pay 20 utility bills with my pocket change.

(I just laughed so hard at how funnily false that was)

But anyways. I'm laying in this here river, just letting the water push me along. And sometimes, some rocks hit me from the bottom and I cry for a couple minutes and need to eat ice cream, but then some swell salmon comes along and nudges me out of my chocolatey coma induced bank back into the mainstream. And I can't wait to see what's just beyond that riverbend, Koko-um. Because it's coming up fast! I graduate in the summer time, I'll probably chill the rest of the summer in Logan living the remainder of my dreams and saving money. Then I'll probably take that money and spend it all on a great trip to Europe or Africa or Australia or whatever tickles my fancy. And then I'll come home, ready to call it a life and start a new chapter!

Here's to being single, young, and childless.

http://www.afrobella.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Gatsby-toast-gif.gif

(p.s. IF YOU'RE MARRIED, OLD, AND WITH CHILDREN, DON'T YOU DARE COMPLAIN because I can't wait to be you. Well I can clearly wait. Because I am. But still. You're cool, too, guys.)

"Awww, man!" - snapped Swiper, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

My very own sisters and mother confessed to never clicking on the music links I post, and it just killed me. Flat out, they may as well had just beaten me over the head with this.

(from the movie Moonrise Kingdom. Particularly fabulous one, if I can add. Shout out to Kat P for purchasing my own copy for me.)

But despite that kindness, she doesn't listen to my musical tidbits. But whatever.

Who needs family, right?

I'm persevering and

ADDING A LINK ANYWAYS

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Hl6GnmvMMA

This is a lovely song by a wonderful group called the National. The lead singer's voice just melts my butter.

 

It's been awhile since I had a good blogging sesh, and since I'm a Mormon girl with limited amount of social encounters, I'm pretty sure it's required of me to update. I mean, my public needs me, right?

 

So Draper's been a downright fiesta. I have had some AMAZINGLY wonderful times, and it's only July. I have a whopping four remaining weeks to fill with even more. It was definitely different than what I expected. I was pretty certain I'd meet some gorgeous granola snowboarder with an established career and a desperate urge to take me to the nearest Temple, marry me, and pay for my school, but spoiler alert, I couldn't find him. Rats.

 

 

But instead, I got to to know myself even more. It's crazy how you can live with yourself so long, letting everyday life take over your thoughts instead of thinking about who you are, and who you want to be. And even though I didn't smash any marathon records or write any religious novels, I made some progress and I can say that I can be content being alone. Leaving Logan and my established social circles made me realize I'm not as Miss Independent as I thought, and I lean on my friends a TON. So shout out to those wonderful cats that support me, because living without them was a bit rough at first. But I got to the point where I didn't have a life-depending urge to be on social networks with people thinking about me and commenting on my junk at all times. And it rocks. I still sometimes think I'm friendless and the bag lady from the Labrynth, but then, I say, "Trace, you're tired, and hungry. So you relax, girl, and just wait until your brain takes off it's Thespian mantle." And guess what. It works. And I realize I have a million friends.

Or at least, like, five really good ones.

So anyways. I've just really gotten to enjoy the company of myself. I mean look at that face. And that hair. Stunning likeness. I am the bag lady. Well. I wish. Then I'd have so much stuff. And I'd roll around in it.

 

So anyways again. Draper's been awesome, especially because of the time I've had to spend with my fabulous family. I'm typing this with nails covered in FOUR different colored polishes, and even a bunch of jewels that Toria stuck on a few of them. Audrey just came down to ask if I could tuck her in, and she whisperedly showed me the two piles of clothes she laid out as options for her and Ellie's outfits tomorrow. Haha I love it. Families are Forever, everyone. And I couldn't be more grateful, because even though we fight and are horribly mean to each other, I NEVER have as much fun with anyone as I do with my four brothers and sisters, their spouses, children, and dogs. And who can even forget my parents. I can't even handle how obsessed I am with them. I'm grateful for a gospel that is so family centered. To learn more about how families have eternal natures, visit mormon.org. :)

 

It will be hard to leave Salt Lake to return to Logan, but I'm excited. Logan is my home away from home, and one of the most beautiful places on earth. I'm a proud Aggie and can't wait to keep trudging through my mess of an education haha.

 

All in all, it's a wonderful life, as George Bailey says.

Not my periodontist, the other George Bailey.

 

 

 

 

A verbal diarrhea so intense and forceful as to equal any fire extinguisher or dam or playdoh toy pushed to its' emotional and physical limits

I've been thinking about this topic so very much lately, and as you know, thoughts in Tracie's brain don't sit there for too long before being splattered into the letters that form my very own blog.

This song is a MUST if you wish to read any further. Under penalty of having to suffer in the Army of the Undead that serves under Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You heard their sigh when finally released, you
DO NOT want any of that.
Snow Patrol - Open Your Eyes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk1Q9y6VVy0

It started probably the first time I heard "So this is love" in Cinderella or the first time I registered my Dad brushing his mustache out of the way so he could kiss my mom everyday as he came home from work. But I've slowly been spoon fed via airplane sounds the finest of pureed foods: not bananas, but the most cliched, sung about, written about topic in the world. Lurve. LOVE. Or Lima Oscar Victor Echo, for those of you in the armed forces.

So yeah, it's always been on my mind, but I think that it's a requirement as you hit your 20's or sit through a Young Women's lesson or watch a good episode of the Office that it takes over your brain. I've often wondered the amount of good my thoughts could have done had they been preoccupied with something other than who likes who and how to get someone. I probably could have solved every Encyclopedia Brown case ever, WITHOUT looking at the back of the book.

But seriously. Holy buckets, Charlie. I am hitting my full stride as a Mormon girl in Utah and am so infatuated with infatuation. I am tickled pink to see anyone fortunate enough to be in the process. It's such a wonderful experience. The beginning, the duration, and even the end. Being brave, clueless, trusting, and sacrificing. It's so fun. And ideally, all of the cycles you go through end in a final resting place in the Shire at Bag End, with adorable curly haired little girls and a wonderful Sam to close the door behind you.

And I know that it doesn't end there. That's it's this crazy battle that 50% of couples lose. But that in itself, proves how worth it it is. You earn every ounce of your joy that you collect. Shout out to my Ma and Pa, they work tirelessly, endlessly to keep it going. I see it, and appreciate it so very much. I know they aren't perfect, and there's nothing funnier than my mom yelling "lalala!" in the bathroom as my Dad tries to argue who gets a Christmas card and who doesn't, but they still make inappropriate comments and giggle. They still have date nights. They still care about surprising each other and doing the little things to make the other happy. It's so inspiring, and I love them for their example of selfless love for me.

It's everywhere. And it's so exciting. I'm excited for the cycles I'm about to go through and eventually, the final one that will make ME, the most indecisive person ever, crumple up all other options and make my choice.

I'm excited. :)

And yes, you can judge me and make fun of me and call me an 11 year old girl named Victoria with braces and false vibrato and high hopes for love, but I know one of those girls and she's gorgeous and I'm proud to be in her horse loving club, ok? H8rz gonna h8.